And out of the bolster came vulnerability…

Throughout our lives, we all develop protective layers—unseen shields that safeguard our most vulnerable selves. These layers don’t appear without reason; they are essential survival mechanisms that help us cope with stress, pain, and trauma. They shield us from emotional harm, providing a sense of control and safety. But while these layers help us get through difficult times, they can eventually limit us. They become stronger, forming a rigid shield around us, and can block us from truly experiencing life.

How protective layers form and why they matter

Everyone encounters moments of rejection, loss, or pain, experiences that impact us more deeply than we might like to admit. In our attempt to protect ourselves, we build walls, create masks, and alter our behaviour to hide our most vulnerable parts. This often starts at a young age, such as in primary school, where children learn that certain emotions and behaviours may not be “acceptable.” With little space for real vulnerability, children learn to guard against rejection and pain.

During times of crisis or trauma, these layers serve a vital purpose. They provide a measure of stability, allowing us to continue functioning despite the turmoil beneath the surface. Protective layers aren’t inherently unhealthy; they help us endure life’s difficult phases and offer a foundation of resilience when we need it most.

The legacy of protective layers: numbness and disconnection

Although protective layers can be helpful, they also come with a risk: we can become disconnected from parts of ourselves. What begins as a protective mechanism can, over time, harden into a barrier, making us not only less vulnerable but also less open. Emotions are suppressed, feelings grow numb, and the wall that once protected us now prevents us from truly feeling. We may become reactive, defensive, or even emotionally numb. Our ability to connect with ourselves and others diminishes, distancing us from our genuine feelings and who we truly are.

This can disrupt our daily lives. Emotions like fear or sadness that we push away don’t simply disappear; they remain and can unconsciously drive our behaviour. We may respond defensively to criticism, avoid deep relationships, or struggle to trust others. In this way, protective layers take on a life of their own, distancing us from our authentic, pure selves.

The societal climate: pressure to defend

We live in a society where vulnerability is often not encouraged. From a young age, we receive signals that strength equates to suppressing emotions. In our education systems, workplaces, and even social circles, we feel pressured to “be strong.” Children quickly learn to swallow their tears, hide their anger, or tone down their joy if it isn’t deemed “appropriate.” This creates a culture where we react defensively to the world around us, learning to bury emotions instead of examining and understanding them.

The result? A society largely focused on outward appearances—achievements, others’ opinions, and maintaining an image that conforms to ideals of strength and control. In this climate, there is little space for recovery, introspection, or vulnerability—three essential components of personal growth and emotional well-being.

The path to disarmament and rediscovery

In my practice, we create a safe space for people to let go of these protective layers. This is a place where you can shed masks, walls, and old patterns. Here, you are free to express your true emotions without judgement, without fear, and without feeling the need to defend yourself. It’s an opportunity to rediscover yourself, to reconnect with your purest emotions and feelings, and to process the old pain that has accumulated over the years.

Beneath these layers of defence lie emotions waiting to be acknowledged and accepted. Here are the feelings we’ve hidden for so long—sorrow, fear, love, joy—that form the core of who we are. By giving ourselves permission to fully experience these emotions, we can gradually dismantle those old patterns and return to our natural, authentic selves.

Vulnerability as strength

As we learn to release our protective layers, a process of deep healing begins. Letting go of our shields opens the door to real connection—with ourselves and with others. We start to feel more, speak more freely, and discover that vulnerability is a powerful strength. Embracing this strength makes us not only stronger but also gentler and more authentic in our interactions with others. We no longer need to act like a fortress resisting the world but can instead become an open house, welcoming genuine interaction and deep relationships.

Vulnerability and healing are not destinations to reach and then hold onto; they are ongoing processes. They require us to continually see, acknowledge, and accept ourselves. From this inner strength, we can help build a softer, more connected world where there’s room for everyone’s pure emotions and no need for constant judgement or defensiveness.

The path of vulnerability takes courage, but it opens up a world where we can truly be ourselves. And perhaps that’s the greatest gift we can give—to ourselves and to the world.